Fostering When You Have Children of Your Own

If you have children at home, the first question about fostering is rarely about you. It’s about them. Will they be safe? Will they resent sharing you, or love it, or both in the same week? Those are the right questions to ask, and having them doesn’t mean you shouldn’t foster. Plenty of foster carers raise their own children alongside the children they foster, and with some thought beforehand it can be good for everyone in the house. Here is what it really looks like, and how to set your family up so it works.

Your children are part of this from the start

Fostering is something a whole household does, and the process treats it that way. During your assessment your assessing social worker will want to meet your children and hear from them directly, in words that suit their age. A six-year-old might draw their house. A fifteen-year-old might have a proper conversation about what worries them. The fostering regulations in England list details of the children in your family as part of what an assessment has to cover, whether or not they still live with you, so a grown-up son who has moved out may get a phone call too. Nobody is testing your children. The point is to hear them before a decision gets made, not after.

Our advice is to have that conversation at your own kitchen table first, well before you enquire. Ask what they think and mean it. A reluctant twelve-year-old isn’t a reason to give up, but it is information, and it’s much easier to work through doubts now than in the middle of a hard week with a new child in the house. Sometimes the answer is to wait a year, or to start with short breaks so everyone can try it out.

What your children will actually be sharing

It helps to be concrete with them, because “we’re going to foster” is abstract to a child and “someone else will sit in the back of the car on the school run” is not. They’ll be sharing you, first of all: your attention after school and the ten minutes at bedtime. They may share the bathroom queue, the television and, now and then, their friends. A child who has lived through a lot can also bring big feelings into the house, and your children will see some of that.

• Your time, which is the thing most children say they notice first.
• Their space, even if everyone keeps their own bedroom.
• Family routines and holidays, which may need more planning.
• Sometimes their belongings, which is why agreeing what is off limits matters.

If you don’t have a spare room, read our guide on whether you need a spare bedroom to foster. It’s worth knowing that GLF is actively looking for carers for babies, and a baby under two can sleep in a cot in your room. For some families with school-age children, that’s the arrangement that fits best.

Fair isn’t the same as identical

This is the one that catches families out. Your own children will notice quickly that the child you foster lives by slightly different rules. Their photo can’t go on your social media. A sleepover at a friend’s house might need checking with a social worker first. They may get extra help, extra patience and, on a bad day, what looks to your children like getting away with things. To a nine-year-old that can feel deeply unfair. It helps to explain, at a level they can understand, that the differences are about what that child has been through and the rules that protect them, not about who you love more. You don’t need to share private details to do that. And if the words won’t come, your supervising social worker can sit down with your children and explain it for you. That’s part of their job, and it often lands better coming from someone outside the family.

Keep one thing that belongs only to them

The biggest risk to your own children isn’t danger. It’s drift. Without anyone meaning it to happen, the new child’s needs fill every gap, and your son or daughter slowly gets whatever is left. Resentment builds quietly, and by the time it shows it’s been there for months. The fix is dull and it works: protect something that belongs to them. Saturday morning swimming with just you. A walk to the corner shop after tea. Fifteen minutes before lights out that nobody else interrupts. Our training material suggests asking your children to write down what they like about fostering and what they don’t, then going through it together and agreeing what to change. Children often write down things they would never say out loud.

It’s also worth thanking them, specifically and often. Your children will be doing real work: showing a scared child where the biscuits are kept, or being patient when they’d rather not. Every October The Fostering Network runs Children of Foster Carers Week (12 to 18 October in 2026) to recognise exactly that. You don’t need a campaign to say “I saw what you did for her today, and it mattered”.

Keeping everyone safe, including your own children

We’d rather be honest about this than skip it. Some children arrive having been hurt, and a small number may behave in ways that could put other children at risk, through aggression, risky behaviour or sexualised behaviour they’ve learned somewhere they should never have been. There is also a risk that a child makes an allegation that involves your son or daughter. That’s rare, but it happens, and pretending otherwise helps nobody.

This is what your safer care agreement is for. It’s a plain description of how your household works, written with your supervising social worker, and it covers everyone living there. The national standards for fostering services say safer caring training should be offered to all members of the household, including young people old enough to understand it, and that thought should be given to any support your sons and daughters need. In practice, most families agree a handful of simple house rules:

• Bedrooms are private: nobody goes into anyone else’s room without asking.
• Dressing gowns on between the bathroom and the bedroom.
• Your older children don’t babysit or bath a younger child in your care.
• Your children know they must tell you if they’re told a worrying secret, and that telling you is never grassing.

That last one matters more than it looks. Your children should never carry something heavy on their own. Before a child moves in, you’ll be told what is known about them (in an emergency that may not be much) so you can think about how they’d fit with your family. If behaviour becomes hard to manage, our guide to what helps when a child’s behaviour is hard to handle is a good place to start, and your supervising social worker is the next call.

Goodbyes are hard on them too

If you foster short term, children will move on, and your own children may feel that more than you expect. They’ve shared a home and a bathroom queue with someone, and then that person goes. Tell them when you know a move is coming, include them in the leaving card or the last tea, and let them be sad without rushing to fix it. Some families find long-term fostering suits their children better for exactly this reason. Others find their children cope with goodbyes better than the adults do. You’ll learn which your family is.

The good bits are real

We don’t want to end on the hard parts, because they aren’t the whole story. Growing up alongside a child who had a harder start can teach your children things that are hard to learn any other way: patience, noticing when someone at school is struggling, and understanding early that not every child has what they have. None of that happens by accident. It comes from the protected time and the thank-yous described above, which is why they’re worth the effort.

You won’t have to do this alone

At Greater London Fostering your supervising social worker gets to know your whole household, not just you and the child you’re caring for. They visit regularly, they’re on the end of the phone, and if your son or daughter is finding things hard, they’ll help you work out what to change. We’re a small agency, and we were rated Outstanding in all three areas when Ofsted inspected us in July 2025, so you’ll be dealing with people who know your family by name. You can read more about the support foster carers receive.

On the practical side, GLF pays a fixed weekly fee per child while they live with you: 479.50 pounds a week for a child under 11 and 507.50 pounds a week for a child aged 11 or over, with an enhanced fee of roughly 100 to 200 pounds a week more for children who need extra care. It covers the child’s costs and your time in one payment. Our foster carer pay page sets it out in full.

Frequently asked questions

Can I foster if I have young children?

Yes. Having young children doesn’t rule you out. Your assessing social worker will think with you about the ages of your children and the ages of children who would fit well alongside them, and some families start with babies or short breaks to see how everyone settles.

Will my children be involved in the assessment?

Yes, in a way that suits their age. Your assessing social worker will want to meet them and hear what they think. It isn’t a test. It’s a chance for your children to be heard and for any worries to come out early.

Do my grown-up children who live at home need a DBS check?

Yes. In England, everyone aged 18 or over who lives in a fostering household needs an enhanced DBS check as part of the assessment. We’ll arrange it and talk you through what’s involved.

What if my child tells me they’re unhappy about fostering?

Take it seriously and talk to your supervising social worker early. Often more protected time together, or a conversation with someone outside the family, sorts it out. Saying so early is always better than letting it build.